Andy Stanley’s Old Testament Removal Tools Now Available In Christian Bookstores | The Babylon Bee

U.S.—What do you do with that pesky Old Testament sitting in the back of your Bible? The one you desperately need to unhitch yourself from?

Pastor and author Andy Stanley has long advocated Christians distancing themselves from the first part of the Bible, and now he’s making it easier than ever to accomplish. Stanley has introduced a line of Old Testament removal tools, available in any Christian bookstore.

The tools come in a variety of shapes and sizes for ripping the “dated” Old Testament right out of any Bible, from a stout King James to a thinline NIV edition. Easy-to-use illustrated instructions show how Christians are to carefully line the tool up with the first 39 books of the Bible, ratchet the pressure up, and then tear the OT right out of the book for easy disposal.

“Your new Bible, containing just the New Testament, will be much improved over the old one,” Stanley said in a commercial for the new product. “Thorny passages, hard-to-understand narratives, and tough commands will be right out.”

You can pick up the full set of Stanley’s OT removal line of tools anywhere fine Christian books are sold.

“Don’t throw out that old Bible—make it more palatable with the Stanley line of OT removal tools!” he said.
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/andy-stanleys-old-testament-removal-tool-now-available-in-christian-bookstores

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