U.S.—In order to show respect for the victims of the horrific attacks in Sri Lanka over the weekend, several top Democrats have vowed not to mention their religion at all.
“The best way we can show reverence for these victims,” former president Barack Obama said, “is to be very careful not to mention that they were Ch—I mean, not to mention their religion. Oops, almost used the C-word there.”
“If we need to construct strained descriptors for them, that’s what we’ll do,” he added solemnly. “We’ll make up contrived terms like ‘Easter worshipers’ and make sure that all our fellow Democrats follow these protocols.”
Failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton agreed, pointing out that it would simply be disrespectful to point out that these Christians were being targeted for their faith.
“Christians being persecuted doesn’t fit in with our narrative. Therefore, it would be inappropriate for us to label them what they were. Instead, we’ll make up really odd-sounding phrases and do verbal backflips to avoid saying the name of their religion.”
“Besides, what difference, at this point, does it make?” she said.