God Demands America Remove ‘In God We Trust’ From Currency — The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, DC—According to sources within the federal government, God has filed a petition demanding the United States remove the phrase “In God We Trust” from all of its currency.

Sources confirm the petition lists several reasons for the request, including American culture’s rejection of Biblical values, abandoning prayer in schools, killing 60,000,000 babies, and the rise of the Kardashians. God’s lawyers suggested several other fitting phrases, such as “In Self We Trust,” “In American Empire We Trust,” and “In Money We Trust.”

“‘In God We Trust’ may have been true at one time in their history, but it’s certainly not true now,” a representative for God told reporters. “And you know God, He’s all about the truth. Actually, what am I saying? He IS the Truth.”

“I mean, let’s be real,” the messenger continued, “America hasn’t trusted in God for a hundred years or more, maybe? There was a brief moment after 9/11, but that lasted like a week, tops.”

“What’s wrong with you people!?” the heavenly source concluded, shaking his head in disgust.

At publishing time, atheists across the country were withdrawing their petitions for the same demand when they realized they actually agreed with God about something.

via God Demands America Remove ‘In God We Trust’ From Currency — The Babylon Bee

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.