2020 Election Roundup: The Insane Democratic Primary — The Babylon Bee

With Americans going to the polls to vote on the most important election in the entire history of the universe, we thought it might be helpful to review the campaigns of this year.

Remember this guy? For progressives, he was the dream candidate! 

Bernie Sanders Asks Nation To Please Stop Mailing Him Books On Economics

Bernie Vows To Rebuild Berlin Wall

Bernie Sanders Praises Slave Owners For Free Housing Program

Unfortunately for Bernie, the Democrat machine combined its powers to defeat him.

Dems Combine Into Giant Mech To Annihilate Bernie Sanders

Bummer.

Bernie Tests Negative For President

We also came close to nominating our first Native American woman to run for the democrats!

Tomahawk-Wielding Elizabeth Warren Vows To Take Land Back From The Pale Faces

She was persecuted for her Native American ancestry,

Elizabeth Warren Leaves Brutal 1-Star Review For Ancestry.com

…and her gender.

Elizabeth Warren Recalls How She Lost Her Teaching Job When Her Fake Mustache Fell Off Revealing She’s A Woman

Eventually, it was down to these two to compete against Biden:

Warren, Sanders Settle Campaign Dispute By Playing Chicken On Mobility Scooters

She failed. 

Warren Returns To Tribe In Shame After Failing To Take Land Back From The Pale Faces

Bloomberg showed us what money can buy.

Bloomberg Purchases First Supporter For $1.7 Billion

Bloomberg Gives A Billion Dollars To Bernie Sanders Causing Him To Destroy Self

But no one liked him for some reason. 

Bloomberg Stops By Daytona 500 To Hand Out Speeding Tickets

The nation was heartbroken after he dropped out. 

Paid Mourners Weep As Bloomberg Exits Primary

The rest of the candidates dropped like flies. Remember Tulsi? 

‘Joe Biden Is The Best Choice For Our Nation,’ Chants Tulsi Gabbard After DNC Completes Assimilation Process

And this guy?

Hasbro Introduces New ‘My Butti’ Pete Buttigieg Doll

And we can’t forget this valiant effort…

Cory Booker Moved To Tears During Participation Trophy Acceptance Speech

Not sure who this guy is…

El Paso Man Comes Down From Insane Acid Trip Where He Hallucinated That He Ran For President

Williamson was defeated by a powerful ray of negative cosmic energy:

Marianne Williamson Not Sure What She’s Doing Up Here With All These Crazy People

Now it’s down to Trump and Biden! Check back for our comprehensive review of the epic battle between the Trump and Biden campaign. 

2020 Election Roundup: The Insane Democratic Primary — The Babylon Bee

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