“It’s Not ‘Just Porn’ or We’re Not ‘Just Friends’”
ADMIT I have a struggle I cannot overcome without God.
“Not overcoming my lust and deceit would be more costly than anything God would take me through in the pursuit of His freedom. God is good for having brought me to this point of admitting my sin.”
Memorize: John 3:19-21 (ESV), “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out by God.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:
- “Judgment” – This does not have to mean condemnation but agreeing with God on the problem and solution.
- “People loved the darkness” – We all naturally enjoy things that are evil and would destroy us and those we love.
- “Exposed” – Bringing darkness to light is the first action of God’s grace in our life, but it hurts so we resist it.
- “Comes to the light” – Voluntarily surrendering to exposure (admitting) is our first response to God’s grace.
- “Carried out by God” – If you feel like your sin is larger than you can overcome, be encouraged by these words.
“The message of this book is not that I’m against lust, but that I’m for God’s plan for sexual desire. Yes, lust is bad. But it’s bad because what it perverts is so good (p. 11).” Joshua Harris in Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is)
“No one deserves sin. Sin is not something to be deserved or desired, but is something to avoid at all cost (p. 50)… The more a person becomes involved in sin, the less he sees it. Sin is a hideous disease that destroys a person’s ability to comprehend its existence (p. 60).” Steve Gallagher in At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
“In our culture sex is everything and sex is nothing (p. 120)… One of the things that porn does is to make us think marriage is for sex. But it’s the other way round: sex is for marriage (p. 125)… So what is sex for? It is, first and foremost, an act of unification, uniting two people into one flesh (p. 122)… That’s why porn—along with all sex outside of marriage—is a sham, a fiction, a lie. You can no more ‘try out’ sex than you can ‘try out’ birth. The very act produces a new reality that cannot be undone (p. 123).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window
“These romantic fantasies further increased the distance between her and Jimmy because they were a constant reminder of his failure as a husband. She noticed that the more involved she became in the novels and soaps, the more resentful she felt towards him (p. 112).” Kathy Gallagher in When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart
“When you start confiding in your friend things you’re reluctant or even resistant to share with your spouse, that’s an indicator the emotional intimacy is greater in the friendship than in the marriage. When something happens and you think about sharing with your friend before you think about sharing with your spouse, that’s another indicator you’ve invited someone to stand between you and your spouse. One of the best indicators of this increasing intimacy is sharing with your friend about the problems you’re having in your marriage (p. 235-236).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
“The determining factor in what makes the stimulus pornographic is how a sex addict turns otherwise nonsexual material into sexual fantasy. If you are an addict, this means you must determine what is pornographic for you and not worry about what is pornographic for someone else (p. 31).” Mark Laaser in Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction