“Becoming a Bad Host/Hostess for Sexual Sin”
RESTRUCTURE MY LIFE to rely on God’s grace and Word to transform my life.
“I have learned a great deal about my self [list with examples], my sin [list examples], and my Savior [list with examples]. Because of these truths I want and need to make the following changes [list]. My temptation is to see these changes as ‘what I do’ rather than merely cooperating with and celebrating God’s grace in my life.”
Memorize: 2 Timothy 2:21-22 (ESV), “Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace along with all those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:
- “Dishonorable” – To overcome sexual sin you must have a commitment to put way all things that are dishonorable.
- “Useful to the master” – The motivation to make wholesale changes comes from a desire to have Christ as Lord.
- “So flee” – The “stop it” advice is clear and emphatic. If there is a debate about whether something is bad, get away.
- “Pursue” – Unless you actively pursue these things, ceasing sexual sin will create a void rather than a satisfying life.
- “Along with” – The changes will not be made alone. When change is private it is fragile and most often temporary.
“Fleeing temptation may not be the complete solution, but it does buy time while we fight the fight of faith (p. 94).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window
“Suppose your Biology 101 professor handed you a live wolverine and asked you to dissect it—but you had no anesthetic and no way to tie the beast down. What if you talked nicely to the wolverine: ‘Now, sir, if you just sit still, I’ll try to get this over as quickly as possible?’ All you’d see would be bare teeth and flying claws in violent resistance to your experiment. Your flesh won’t sit still for meditation and prayer any more than a wolverine would submit to surgery (p. 73).” Kris Lungaard in The Enemy Within
“You see, sexual impurity isn’t like a tumor growing out of control inside us. We treat it that way when our prayers focus on deliverance, as we plead for someone to come remove it. Actually, sexual impurity is a series of bad decisions on our part—a result of immature character—and deliverance won’t deliver you into instant maturity. Character work needs to be done (p. 92)… You will have to take by faith that once you get your eyes and mind under control, the sexual pressure will drop off dramatically. You bring most of the sexual pressure onto yourself through visual sensual stimulation and mental fantasy (p. 118).” Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker in Everyman’s Battle
“If you are a man, start viewing women as your sisters, as people to protect instead of prey upon. If you are a woman, start treating men as your brothers rather than turning them into romantic-erotic objects… If you are married, begin the hard work of building an honest relationship where sexuality becomes one of the fruits of your unity as a couple (p. 25).” David Powlison in Sexual Addiction
“Our view of sex becomes detached from relationship and intimacy. Sex in porn is just a physical activity, nothing more. But real sex, sex as God intended, is the celebration and climax—quite literally—of a relationship. Godly sex is part of a package that includes talking together, sharing together, deciding together, crying together, working together, laughing together and forgiving each other. Orgasm comes at the end of a process that began with offering a compliment, doing the chores, recalling your day, unburdening your heart, tidying the house. Sex that disregards this is hollow… If you view sex as personal gratification or a chance to enact your fantasy, if you have sex while disregarding intimacy or unresolved conflict, then that sex will be bad in both senses of the word: poor quality and ungodly (p. 18).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window