Category Archives: Humor

Sexual Revolution Working Out Great, Reports Nation Full Of Perverts

U.S.—The aftermath of the sexual revolution is working out just splendidly, reported a nation filled with perverts, pedophiles, and sexual predators Friday afternoon. The country currently reaping the consequences of decades of declining sexual morals reported it would do it all over again in a heartbeat, further stating that it was “really proud” of the […]

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Lakewood Church Attendees Can Now Check Their Bible At Door

HOUSTON, TX—According to sources within Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church, attendees can now take advantage of a new service allowing them to check their Bibles at the door before entering the sanctuary for an uplifting message. “People who come here to watch Joel preach typically won’t need their Bibles,” a Lakewood spokesperson told reporters. “Most of […]

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Steven Furtick’s Mansion Selected As New Amazon Headquarters

WEDDINGTON, NC—Amazon’s hunt for a new U.S. headquarters has come to an end, as the online retailer and technology giant announced Wednesday it has selected the home of Steven Furtick as its new base of operations. The deal is rumored to include a $350 million payout for the North Carolina pastor, who will allow Amazon […]

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Violence-Free Bible Now Available

We know what you’re thinking: why does the Bible have to be so, you know, violent? Any honest look at human history shows we’ve progressed beyond all that barbaric, blood-soaked, pillage-the-Canaanites Old Testament stuff. It’s the 21st century, after all, and we all know that love wins! God is all about peace, rainbows, and self-esteem. […]

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Belief In Hell Suddenly Spikes As Charles Manson Dies

U.S.—A poll performed by Pew Research Center confirmed Monday that belief in hell spiked seemingly overnight, the sudden increase in the number of people who hold that a holy God will judge men and women when they die coinciding with the death of deranged mass murderer Charles Manson. While only 58% of American adults said […]

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Nation Approves Plan To Push Hollywood Into Pacific Ocean

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A new law passed by Congress and signed into law by President Trump Thursday approves a plan to push Hollywood into the Pacific Ocean, sources in Washington are reporting. The new law calls for federal officials to build or acquire a giant hand saw and make a rough incision along the outside of the […]

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Megachurch Introduces New Jesus-Free Salvation Package

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—In a bold move designed to take their growing church to the next level, a team of vision pastors at Lakeside Community Church announced Monday the church would now be offering a full salvation package completely free of a Savior. The deal includes full access to church functions and fun events, as well as […]

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Pope Francis Offers Mind-Blowing Deals On Indulgences For Reformation Day

VATICAN CITY—The Roman Catholic Church is celebrating Reformation Day in style, by offering thousands of hot deals on indulgences for the forgiveness of the temporal punishments for sin in purgatory. A crazed-looking Pope Francis ran an infomercial throughout the day Tuesday, marking the 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation by offering hourly lightning deals on […]

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Google Honors 500th Anniversary Of Reformation By Not Marking It At All

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—In a move showing remarkable veneration for one of the most pivotal events in human history, internet search giant Google marked the 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation by not making any mention of it at all on its home page. The corporation, which often pays homage to significant birthdays, holidays, and historic […]

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Morally Bankrupt Entertainment Industry Totally Baffled As To How Culture Became Morally Bankrupt

HOLLYWOOD, CA—In the wake of the recent Harvey Weinstein scandal sending shockwaves through Hollywood, the nation’s elite members of the entertainment industry have expressed their puzzlement at the fact that the country has fallen so far in morality and ethics, when the very same people have created and promoted entertainment that celebrates moral bankruptcy, sources […]

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John MacArthur Added To Cast Of ‘The View’

NEW YORK, NY—In a move designed to finally give an on-air voice to the nation’s conservative Christians, producers of popular morning talk show The View confirmed Monday the addition of preacher and author John MacArthur to the show. In internal test footage, MacArthur reportedly held his own against the flurry of conversation coming from the […]

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Joel Osteen Launches Line Of Pastoral Wear: ‘Sheep’s Clothing’

HOUSTON, TX—Pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church is a bestselling author, motivational speaker, and preacher—and now, he’s also the head of a profitable pastoral fashion line: “Sheep’s Clothing by Joel Osteen.” The line of suits, pants, shirts, ties, and dress shoes is designed to distract from a pastor’s empty theology and dangerous heresies by disguising […]

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