Reconciliation

Restoring Broken Relationships

by June Hunt

The North American Indians had a unique way of celebrating restored relationships. To signify reconciliation after personal conflict or even all-out war, they sat in a circle and passed from one to another a stone bowl of burning tobacco, which they smoked through a long, hollow stem elaborately decorated with feathers. To smoke this “peace pipe” was to take part in a ceremony that established peace and friendship between enemies. God created us for a relationship with Himself and with others. You will always be vulnerable to disappointments, disagreements and differences, but instead of starting a war dance of revenge, develop a heart that seeks reconciliation. True reconciliation enables you to live in peace … even peace with your enemies.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

(Romans 12:18)

i.     definitions

Broken relationships began in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve, through sin, broke intimate fellowship with God. The need for reconciliation between God and each one of us has existed ever since! At one time we were enemies of God, going our own way apart from Him, but Christ has made it possible to be reconciled to God.

“For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!”

(Romans 5:10)

A. What Is Reconciliation?

•     Reconciliation is the act of settling or restoring differences. Most often, reconciliation means the restoring of a relationship. It is a settling or resolving of differences between friends.

—  The Old Testament Hebrew word kaphar, which means “to cover,” is most often translated as atonement. Atonement is that sacrificial act that covers a person’s sins and brings that person into reconciliation with God.

“Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for.” (Proverbs 16:6)

—  The Greek word katallasso, translated “reconciled” in the New Testament, means “to change mutually” or, figuratively, “to settle a debt amicably.” Jesus Christ has become the sacrifice for our sins. He settled our debt, reconciling us to God and giving us a ministry of reconciliation to others.

We   owed a debt we couldn’t pay. He paid a debt He didn’t owe.

 

“All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”

(2 Corinthians 5:18)

•     Types of reconciliation

—  financial

 

to bring   accounting records into agreement

 

—  relational

 

to bring a   broken relationship into harmony

 

—  personal

 

to be at peace   with our circumstances or with ourselves

 

—  spiritual

 

to be at   harmony with God

 

Biblical Example of Reconciliation

Joseph (Genesis 37:2–45:15)

The Bible is a relational textbook. The Old Testament story of Joseph is one of family conflict full of bitterness and betrayal. Surrounded by older brothers who hate him, Joseph is treated unmercifully, sold as a slave and destined to live in a pagan country under extreme pressure. Few of us escape the pain of a loved one’s rejection. The all-too-easy response is to cling to the offense and, in so doing, reject the heart of God. Even in the face of accusation, Joseph doesn’t lose his faith. Over time he is promoted from the prison to the palace—and then second only to Pharaoh. Ultimately, God orchestrates events in Joseph’s life to bring about a showdown with his brothers. Now he must choose between hardening his heart or reflecting God’s heart. With immense compassion, Joseph forgives their debt and initiates the ministry of reconciliation. (See Genesis chapters 37–50.)

“And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them. Afterward his brothers talked with him.”

(Genesis 45:15)

B. What Is Alienation?

•     Alienation occurs when a person withdraws or separates from another person, causing one to be excluded from others.

—  The Hebrew word rachiq is derived from a word which means “to widen,” and is translated “alienated” in the Old Testament. The meaning also implies “recede or remove a place or relation.” The Hebrew word zur is translated “estranged,” which means “to turn aside.”

“He has alienated my brothers from me; my acquaintances are completely estranged from me.” (Job 19:13)

—  The New Testament Greek word apallotrioo means “to estrange away,” that is “to be a nonparticipant.” The word is translated “exclude,” “separate” or “alienate.”

“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.”

(Colossians 1:21–22)

•     Types of alienation

—  legal

 

alienation of   affections (husband or wife being drawn away by a third party)—the conveyance   or transfer of property to another

 

—  relational

 

unfriendliness   or hostility toward friends, family or the values of others

 

—  personal

 

withdrawal   from reality to the extent that there is no true understanding of one’s self,   resulting in difficulty in developing relationships with others

 

—  spiritual

 

the state of   being separated from communion with God because of sin

 

Biblical Example of Alienation

David (2 Samuel 13:1–18:33)

Many parents feel the pain and remorse of knowing that they have failed. David’s personal relationship with his son Absalom is one of the most heartrending examples of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness among close family members. Amnon, one of David’s sons, rapes his own half sister Tamar. When David fails to punish Amnon, Tamar’s full brother Absalom takes matters into his own hands and kills Amnon. David’s detachment from his children had set up such agonizing alienation that events deteriorated from family discord to physical death. Ultimately, Absalom both rebelled against David and met a violent death.

“The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: ‘O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!’ ”

(2 Samuel 18:33)

C. What Is Mediation?

•     Mediation is the intervention between conflicting parties to promote reconciliation.

•     A mediator is an outside agent brought in to produce a change or compromise between opposing individuals. Through effective communication, the mediator aids in reconciling differences.

—  The Old Testament Hebrew word for mediator is lits, which means literally “to make mouths at,” hence “to interpret” or “intercede.”

“If there is an angel on his side as a mediator … to tell a man what is right for him, to be gracious to him and say, ‘Spare him from going down to the pit; I have found a ransom for him.’ ” (Job 33:23–24)

—  The New Testament Greek word for mediator is mesites, which means “a go-between,” by implication, “a reconciler.”

“There is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.” (1 Timothy 2:5)

•     Types of mediators

—  scientific

 

an outside   chemical agent introduced into a chemical or biological process to produce   change

 

—  professional

 

an unbiased   individual who is engaged to bring agreement to a relationship (lawyer,   counselor, crisis intervention expert or professional mediator)

 

—  personal

 

friend or   family member who authentically cares for each individual and relies on the   Holy Spirit to help clarify communication and reveal truth

 

—  spiritual

 

Jesus Christ,   the one and only Mediator between a Holy God and sinful mankind

 

•     Goals of a mediator

—  unconditional acceptance of each other

—  mutual forgiveness

—  fair and honest communication

—  insight into personal value and worth

Biblical Example of Mediation

Abigail (1 Samuel 25:2–42)

Abigail’s ministry of reconciliation surfaces in the story of two stubborn individuals, David and Nabal, Abigail’s surly husband. A wealthy landowner, Nabal refuses David’s request for food and shelter by hurling insults at him and his ragged army. Assuming the responsibility as mediator between these two angry hotheads, Abigail cools David’s impending revenge by serving him and his men a meal fit for kings. She then appeals to David’s sense of godly leadership and convinces him to refrain from taking vengeance … an act which ultimately belongs to the Lord. Her persuasive arguments and actions portray the wisdom that is needed for effective mediation.

“Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, ‘Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request.’ ”

(1 Samuel 25:35)

 

ii.    characteristics

No one escapes the pain of conflicting relationships. Relatives refuse to speak for years because of a long-ago disagreement. Courtrooms are crowded with litigation between coworkers, neighbors and angry mates. Even churches can’t escape the destruction of discord. Examine your own heart. Do you hold on to attitudes that alienate, or do your attitudes and actions reflect God’s heart … a heart of reconciliation … a heart of peace?

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.”

(Matthew 5:9)

Do I Have a Heart that Alienates?

“For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”

(Acts 8:23)

•     Pride

Do I focus only on the personal injustice of how much I’ve been wronged?

•     Faultfinding

Do I dwell on the mistakes of others and fail to focus on my own faults?

•     Resentment

Do I hold on to my anger until it develops into bitterness?

•     Avoidance

Do I avoid being around the person with whom I have conflict?

•     Silence

Do I close the door on communication by refusing to share my feelings in a healthy way?

•     Isolation

Do I detach and withdraw from the person physically or emotionally?

•     Unfaithfulness

Do I share unnecessary information with others and act in an untrustworthy manner?

•     Hopelessness

Do I lack the faith that God can work in any situation?

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

(Hebrews 12:15)

Do I Have a Heart of Reconciliation?

“I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

(1 Corinthians 1:10)

•     Humility

Do I focus on how much the Lord continues to forgive me?

•     Self-examination

Do I expect change only in others, or do I look at my own need to change also?

•     Forgiveness

Do I choose to release my personal rights and allow the Lord to empower me to forgive?

•     Confrontation

Do I communicate my feelings without accusation?

•     Communication

Do I set aside quality time to share my heart and have personal interaction?

•     Risk taking

Do I risk rejection knowing that God’s love and acceptance will fulfill me?

•     Commitment

Do I set aside my personal hurt for the sake of the relationship?

•     Confidence

Do I trust God to heal my heartaches and to meet my needs?

“The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:24)

 

iii.   causes of irreconcilable differences

Irreconcilable differences, a legal term, is recognized in many countries as grounds for divorce. Where valid, this simple courtroom plea breaks the bonds of holy matrimony, irrespective of the fault of either party. The cause of the divorce is not attributed to any acts of misconduct or improper behavior of either party. Thus the ruling provides a convenient way for eliminating any personal responsibility for the breakdown of the marriage relationship. Unfortunately, attitudes that establish these laws contribute to the moral decline of any culture. We are ultimately accountable for how we interact with others. A hardened heart that refuses to take responsibility in life only invites trouble in life.

“Blessed is the man who always fears the Lord, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.”

(Proverbs 28:14)

A. Downward Spiral to a Hardened Heart

•     dislikes confrontation

•     denies conflict exists

•     dwells on personal injustice received

•     dominates conversation and makes no concessions

•     declares to know all the facts

•     deceives others about personal feelings

•     discusses the problem with defiance

•     distrusts the motives of another

•     defends personal views

•     deafens ears to apologies

•     deflates any solutions offered

•     develops apathy

•     detaches emotionally

•     determines not to be hurt again

•     disapproves of seeking a mediator

•     deduces that the other person will never change

•     desires revenge

•     damages the reputation of the other person

•     disowns personal responsibility

•     discounts any past commitments

“A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed—without remedy.”

(Proverbs 29:1)

B. Root Cause

Ultimately, the root of unresolved conflict between two people is unforgiveness on the part of one or both parties. Even though you are not responsible for another person’s response to your effort toward reconciliation, as a Christian, you are still called to reflect the love of Christ by forgiving in the same way God forgives. This means forgiving even when the offending person will not forgive you or acknowledge any wrongdoing.

Wrong Belief:

“I have been so hurt and offended that I have no desire for reconciliation. Forgiveness is impossible because you will never change.”

Right Belief

God offered reconciliation to me before I ever changed. Because Christ forgave me, I can seek restoration in my broken relationships by yielding my rights and allowing Christ to forgive through me.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)

 

iv.  steps to solution

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

(1 Peter 3:9)

A. Key Verse to Memorize

“God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”

(2 Corinthians 5:19)

B. Key Passages to Read and Reread

Christ’s Call to Christians … Initiate Reconciliation

•     When you have wronged another …

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

(Matthew 5:23–24)

•     When you have been wronged …

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

(Matthew 18:15–18)

C. Questions and Answers

Question:

“What do I do if I can’t persuade someone with a stubborn heart to reconcile?”

Answer:

You are not responsible for the response of another person, but you are accountable to God to seek reconciliation. Each person is directly accountable before God.

“Each of us will give an account of himself to God.” (Romans 14:12)

Question:

“Should I seek reconciliation even when I am still angry?”

Answer:

Reconciliation will not take place if you have not dealt with your unresolved anger. Allow the Spirit of God to bring about true repentance on your part and an attitude that can soften the heart of the one offended.

“An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.” (Proverbs 18:19)

Question:

“How do I know if I am only chasing an impossible dream by hoping for reconciliation in the future?”

Answer:

You cannot know whether a broken relationship will truly be reconciled. No one but God has total knowledge of the future. But if you respond to the Lord and to the conflict in a Christlike manner, you can assuredly have God’s peace for the future.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Question:

“What do I do if my effort to bring about reconciliation with someone fails?”

Answer:

Others will be watching your response, so continue doing what is right.

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” (Romans 12:17)

Question:

“I was wrong in the way I related to a member of my family. What do I do if I know I’ve blown it too much to be forgiven?”

Answer:

You cannot know that you will not be forgiven. What you do know is that you are to go and ask forgiveness and leave the response of the other person to God. If forgiveness is extended, give thanks. If not, that person will have to give an account to God for being disobedient.

“The Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.…” (Matthew 9:6)

Question:

“I’ve grieved over a broken relationship. Nothing I have done has moved us closer toward reconciliation. What can I do now?”

Answer:

While a lack of restoration may be inevitable, a lack of forgiveness is not an option. Forgiveness is always required of us, no matter the circumstances.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Question:

“When my mate left me and the children and married someone else, that ended all hope of remarriage for us. Isn’t it wrong to hope for reconciliation?”

Answer:

All relationships cannot be restored, but through the life-changing power of Christ, all people can be reconciled. When a marriage is dissolved by both divorce and remarriage, the original relationship cannot be restored. But it is possible for the two divorced people to be reconciled to one another and to form a new healthy, productive relationship based on mutual respect … especially for the sake of the children.

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” (Romans 12:17)

Question:

“How should I deal with my three siblings? Since our parents died, there has been so much hostility between us, we haven’t spoken for years.”

Answer:

You might write each one a note stating that you believe the thing that would most please and honor your parents would be that the four of you be in relationship with one another again. Mention a positive character trait about each person. Let them all know that they are important to you. Ask if they would be open to starting a fresh, new relationship.

“Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” (Philippians 2:2)

D. Test the Condition of Your Heart

The Heart Test

•     Do my actions demonstrate love toward my opposer?

“Love your enemies.” (Matthew 5:44)

•     Do I speak well of my opposer?

“Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:28)

•     Do I do good acts toward my opposer?

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” (Romans 12:17)

•     Do I have a forgiving spirit toward my opposer?

“If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14–15)

•     Do I exhibit meekness toward my opposer?

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” (Matthew 5:5)

•     Do I show deference toward my opposer?

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

•     Do I pray on behalf of my opposer?

“Pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)

•     Do I focus on eternal values when I think of my opposer?

“You have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:1–3)

In your heart, have you ever said to yourself, “I would be willing to forgive if he would admit he was wrong.” … “I would let go of the past if she would just say she’s sorry.” Conditional acceptance is an attitude of the heart. The heart attitude communicates acceptance or rejection.

E. Reconciliation or Litigation?

To sue or not to sue—that is the question! Or, when you have been wronged, what is right? The major Scripture dealing with civil suits is 1 Corinthians 6:1–7. This passage encourages God’s people to settle their problems outside of court. Disputes between Christians should be addressed between the individuals themselves or with the help of other Christians. (Read Matthew 18:15–17.) Civil action with an unbeliever is not forbidden, but God’s heart on courtroom litigation is seen in Luke 12:58.

“As you are going with your adversary to the magistrate, try hard to be reconciled to him on the way, or he may drag you off to the judge, and the judge turn you over to the officer, and the officer throw you into prison.”

If it is your heart’s desire to have a ministry of reconciliation, avoiding civil suits will produce the following six results and will bring honor to God and reflect a life that lives above the standards of the world:

•     Prevent taking your argument to a   public court

 

Luke   12:58

 

•     Encourage a biblical solution

 

1   Corinthians 6:1–7

 

•     Reflect an example of our   reconciliation to God through Christ

 

Romans   5:10

 

•     Demonstrate sacrificial love

 

Matthew   5:44

 

•     Highlight our testimony as   obedient to the Word of God

 

Matthew   5:38–41

 

•     Improve our ability to help others   move toward reconciliation

 

2   Corinthians 5:18–20

 

“Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright.”

(Proverbs 14:9)

F.  Burying the Hatchet

The tomahawk, or war hatchet, a weapon of the early American Indians, carries a bloody history. Used as war clubs and hunting weapons, the originals had heads made of flint or bronze tied to wooden handles with cords of animal skin. The ceremonial tomahawk, decorated with brightly colored feathers or porcupine-quill work, was buried when peace was made with an enemy and dug up when peace was broken. From this old Indian custom comes our present day expression burying the hatchet, a phrase which means “a sincere commitment to forgive and forget!” Is your forgiveness complete, or do you bury the hatchet but leave the handle exposed?

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

(1 Peter 3:9)

•     Prepare your heart for seeking reconciliation.

—  Be willing to view the conflict as an opportunity for growth.

—  Be willing to learn what God wants you to learn.

—  Be willing to discover that you are partly at fault.

—  Be willing to expose your weaknesses.

—  Be willing to be open with your feelings.

—  Be willing to risk the relationship.

—  Be willing to accept a negative outcome.

—  Be willing to pray for God’s will to be done.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15)

•     Know that refusal to seek reconciliation affects the intimacy of your relationship with God.

Humble your heart and pray,

—  “Lord, I don’t want to be prideful and unbending.”

—  “Lord, I want Your favor on my life—not Your disfavor.”

—  “Lord, I want to reflect Your character and be open to reconciliation.”

“If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23–24)

•     Seek forgiveness and apologize for words that have hurt the other person.

—  “I have tried to see our relationship from your point of view.”

—  “I realize that I’ve been wrong in my attitude of .”

—  “Would you be willing to forgive me?”

“If you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor!” (Proverbs 6:2–3)

•     Recognize the ground rules of communication.

—  Offer unconditional acceptance.

—  Confront the problem, not the person.

—  Listen without interrupting.

—  Verbalize feelings.

—  Use words that build self-worth.

—  Aim for mutual understanding.

—  Give more than you take.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

•     Be kind and gentle, trusting God to work in the heart of the other person.

—  Don’t harbor resentment.

—  Don’t make excuses for yourself.

—  Don’t get drawn into arguments.

—  Don’t fail to pray.

—  Don’t have expectations of immediate acceptance.

“The Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.” (2 Timothy 2:24–25)

•     Reflect the character of Christ in all that you do.

In order to prepare your heart to reflect the character of Christ, pray,

—  “Lord, I die to my personal rights.”

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

—  “Lord, I die to having to defend myself.”

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.” (Psalm 28:7)

—“Lord, I die to relying on my own abilities.”

“He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.” (Proverbs 28:26)

•     Enlist a mediator if necessary.

—  Pray for God to prepare the heart of your opposer for mediation.

—  Seek a person whom your opposer can respect.

—  Say, “At times an outside person can have a different perspective that is objective. Would you be willing to consider a mediator to help us think through our problems with the hope of reaching a successful end?”

“If he will not listen [to you], take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ ” (Matthew 18:16)

•     Do not hold yourself responsible for the outcome.

—  You cannot force reconciliation to occur.

—  When reconciliation is refused, don’t live with false guilt.

—  A lack of reconciliation will not be wasted—God will bring something good out of it.

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

•     Rest in the knowledge that you have done all you can do to seek peace.

—  Continue to show love, and treat the other person with forgiveness.

—  Thank God for giving you the desire to be at peace with everyone.

—  Praise God for His commitment to orchestrate your own spiritual growth.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)

G. When Reconciliation is Refused!

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

(Galatians 6:9)

•     Remember …

—  If your heart has been repentant, you have God’s total forgiveness.

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:8–9)

•     Remember …

—  Pray for the one who refuses reconciliation—there is an unmet need.

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)

•     Remember …

—  God never leaves you when you suffer the loss of a close relationship.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

•     Remember …

—  Control what you say about those who refuse reconciliation.

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” (Romans 12:14)

•     Remember …

—  Don’t be vengeful—in time God will deal with those who do wrong.

“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

•     Remember …

—  God will do a work in you that is good in spite of the difficulty.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Roman 8:28)

When   you have been wounded in a relationship, the gauge of godly growth is having   a heart of reconciliation—not by fighting going through conflict, but by   focusing on growing through conflict.

—June   Hunt

 

selected bibliography

Allender, Dan B., and Tremper Longman III. Bold Love: A Discussion Guide Based on the Book. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 1992.

Baker, Don. Restoring Broken Relationships. Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 1989.

Buzzard, Lynn, Juanita Buzzard, and Laury Eck. Readiness for Reconciliation: A Biblical Guide. Oak Park, IL: Christian Conciliation Service, 1982.

“Calumet.” [cited 26 August 2002]. http://www.factmonster.com/ce6/society/A0809954.html.

Dawson, John. What Christians Should Know About Reconciliation. Ventura, CA: International Reconciliation Coalition, 1998.

Hunt, June. Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2007.

Hunt, June. How to Forgive … When You Don’t Feel Like It. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2007.

Hunt, June. How to Handle Your Emotions. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2008.

Hunt, June. Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2008

Lowry, L. Randolph and Richard W. Meyers. Conflict Management and Counseling. Resources for Christian Counseling, ed. Gary R. Collins, vol. 29. Waco, TX: Word, 1991.

Lynch, Chuck. “I Should Forgive, But …” Finding Release from Anger and Bitterness. Nashville: Word, 1998.

McGuire, Paul, and Kristina McGuire. Heal Your Past and Change Your Marriage. Lake Mary, FL: Creation House, 2000.

Moore, Michael S. Reconciliation: A Study of Biblical Families in Conflict. Joplin, MO: College Press, 1994.

Nygren, Bruce. Touching the Shadows: A Love Tested and Renewed. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2000.

Rebuilder’s Guide. Oak Brook, Ill.: Institute in Basic Life Principles, 1982.

Rodgers, Beverly, and Tom Rodgers. Soul-Healing Love: Ten Practical Easy-to-Learn Techniques for Couples in Crisis. San Jose, CA: Resource, 1998.

Rush, Myron. Hope for Hurting Relationships. Wheaton, IL: Victor, 1989.

Sande, Ken. The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1991.

“Tomahawk.” [cited 26 August 2002]. http://www.factmonster.com/ce6/society/A0848995.html.

Tosini, Joseph. She Called Me Dad: Hope for Relationship in a Wounded World. Columbia, MO: Cityhill, 1990.

What Do You Do With a Broken Relationship? Radio Bible Class, [cited 28 August 2002]. http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/q0703/q0703. html.

White, John, and Ken Blue. Church Discipline that Heals: Putting Costly Love into Action. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 1985.

Williams, Pat, Jill Williams, and Jerry Jenkins. Rekindled. Old Tappan, NJ: Fleming H. Revell, 1985.[1]

 


[1] Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Reconciliation: Restoring Broken Relationships (1–18). Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart.