Spiritual abuse is a spiritual role-reversal. Rather than feeding the sheep, the shepherd becomes the wolf feeding on the sheep.
A Word from Bob
This is Part 1 of a three-part series on spiritual abuse.
- Part 1, Definitions and Signs of Spiritual Abuse: I’ll define spiritual abuse and I’ll share signs of spiritually abusive leadership.
- Part 2: I’ll collate and share biblical passages about spiritual abuse.
- Part 3: I’ll collate, link to, and provide a brief summary of several resources on spiritual abuse.
A Short History of My Acquaintance with Spiritual Abuse
While our Christian world seems only recently to be highlighting spiritual abuse, I’ve been thinking about, researching, and writing about spiritual abuse for some time.
I first began studying issues related to spiritual abuse thirty-two years ago in 1992—when I was experiencing spiritual abuse. I didn’t even know the label “spiritual abuse” at the time. Then I read David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen’s book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church. First published in 1991, as I read the book, it felt like the authors were looking inside my soul and were privy to my situation. They were so “spot-on.”
For the next two decades I studied, taught, and wrote about what the Scriptures say about spiritual abuse. Tim Challies took note, and in 2011, Tim posted a two-part interview with me about spiritual abuse.
- Part 1: On my RPM Ministries site: What Does the Bible Teach About Spiritual Abuse? Part 1 on Tim Challies’s site: Spiritual Abuse.
- Part 2: On my RPM Ministries site: Practical Biblical Responses to Spiritual Abuse. Part 2 on Tim’s site: More on Spiritual Abuse.
Now, thirteen years later, spiritual abuse is a frequent topic of research, blog posts, books, and social media discussions. What is spiritual abuse? What are signs of spiritual abuse?
My Working Definition of Spiritual Abuse
Thirteen years ago, I developed my definition of spiritual abuse from my study of Scripture. My definition today is similar to how I defined spiritual abuse over a decade ago, but with further development.
Here’s how I introduced my definition in my interview with Tim Challies:
Since this is a blog post and not a book or an academic paper, let’s consider this a “working definition,” or, as I often tell my students, “my current best attempt…” This definition focuses on pastoral-shepherding spiritual abuse. However, spiritual abuse can occur in non-church settings such as the home and para-church organizations.
Here’s my current working definition of spiritual abuse:
Spiritual abuse is a spiritual role-reversal.
Rather than feeding the sheep, the shepherd becomes the wolf feeding on the sheep (Ezekiel 34:1-16; John 10:1-18; Acts 20:25-31).
Rather than clinging to and emulating the Great Shepherd by shepherding God’s flock (Acts 20:25-31; 1 Peter 5; 1 Timothy 3; Ephesians 4), a false shepherd, leader, or person in a position of authority, subtly (or not so subtly) demands that others exist to meet the shepherd’s needs (Matthew 20:20-28; James 4:1-4).
Rather than relating as a servant leader, the pastor/leader/authority figure pulls rank over others, lords it over others, and bullies others (Matthew 20:20-28; 1 Peter 5:1-6), living not for the benefit of the sheep, but for the benefit of the shepherd (Ezekiel 34:1-16; John 10:1-18).
Rather than speaking the truth in love, and rather than ministering grace and truth (Ephesians 4:11-16, 29; Colossians 4:3-6; Titus 2:10-12), the spiritually abusive pastor/leader/authority figure intimidates, judges, condemns, shames, and blames the sheep without regard for the spiritual wellbeing of the sheep (Jeremiah 23:1-4; Matthew 23:1-39).
Mike Kruger’s Definition of Spiritual Abuse
In his excellent book, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church, Mike Kruger offers this definition of spiritual abuse.
Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him as a means of maintaining his own power and control, even if he is convinced he is seeking biblical and kingdom-related goals.
Darby Strickland Defines Spiritual Abuse and Religious Abuse in Marriage
Biblical counselor, Darby Strickland, writes and counsels about spiritual abuse in marriage. Darby provides this definition in the article, What Is Spiritual Abuse in Marriage?
Spiritual abuse occurs when an oppressor establishes control and domination by using Bible verses, doctrine, or his “leadership role” as a weapon. This form of abuse can be subtle, because it can mask itself as religious practice. These are signs of spiritual abuse:
- A husband exhibits control-oriented leadership over his wife.
- Lords his power over her.
- Demands submission from her.
- Uses Scripture in shaming and punishing ways.
Signs of Spiritual Abuse
As I’ve studied the Scriptures about spiritually abusive leadership, I’ve come to summarize the following attitudes and actions as signs of spiritual abuse.
- Using our spiritual position to control or dominate another person.
- Misusing scriptura passages and biblical concepts to override the thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions of others.
- Using spiritual authority defensively to bolster the position and “needs” of the leader, rather than humbly and lovingly serving others.
- Considering oneself above questioning.
- Questions are assumed to come from a divisive spirit, not from an honest attempt to have give-and-take dialogue. The worst is assumed of the other; the best is assumed of oneself. Dialogue is replaced with monologue—with all “authoritative” communication coming down from the leader.
- Labeling the person who questions us as divisive, wrong, and rebellious, thus subtly shifting the focus and blame. Labels can include accusations such as:
- “You’re being divisive.” “You’re a divisive person.” “You have a divisive spirit.” “You’re disrespectful.” “You’re being disrespectful toward God’s leaders.” “I detect a pattern of anger and a critical spirit.” “You’re rebellious.” “You’re unspiritual and emotionally immature.” “You’re taking this personally.” You’re being too emotional.”
- Such labels heap condemnation, shame, and blame on the recipient, rather than offering wise counsel and humble, constructive feedback.
- Interpreting our spiritual authority to mean that my thoughts and opinions are supreme, or unquestioned, or take priority.
- It is not abusive when a spiritual leader speaks the truth in love and confronts sin in a humble, gracious way. It is abusive, however, if the leader seeks to shame or discredit others, or twists the “truth” to defend himself and to defame others.
- It is not abusive when a spiritual leader uses his best judgment and chooses to go against your opinion. It is abusive, however, if the leader uses his opposing view to devalue and demean others and to demand “his way or the highway.”
Join the Conversation
How would you define “spiritual abuse” biblically?
What are signs of spiritually abusive attitudes and actions?
What has your experience been with spiritual abuse?
The post Spiritual Abuse: Part 1—Definitions and Signs of Spiritual Abuse appeared first on RPM Ministries.
— Read on rpmministries.org/2024/06/definitions-and-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/
Truth2Freedom's Blog 